Best Books in Marriage after Infidelity


When two partners exchange vows, cheating was never in question, was it? However, it still creeps on even the best of marriages. After infidelity comes to light, everything shatters because infidelity is the worst form of betrayal.

As a betrayed partner, you feel all forms of emotions such as shock, disappointment, rage, low self-esteem, resentment and hate. You may even start questioning where you fell short or how you never saw it coming. Once the whirl of emotions recedes, it is time to make a decision on whether to forgive or to leave.

If you are the cheater in your marriage, you want to earn forgiveness and put your infidelity days behind you. But how will you truly ask for forgiveness while you have cast doubt in the love of your life?

To get answers for all your dilemmas, here are the best books in marriage after infidelity for you;

1. After the Affair: Healing the pain and rebuilding trust when a partner has been unfaithful

Can you really forgive and forget about your partner’s infidelity? Dr. Janis Abrahams Spring tells that it is possible in her book. As a Clinical Psychologist with 35 years of experience she surely knows what she is talking about.

Just as the title gives it away, this is a healing book for couples who want to work on rebuilding their marriage after an affair. Dr. Spring in this book addresses all the hurtful issues around infidelity on why it happens, if forgiveness is possible, if love and trust can be regained along with other intimate issues that revolve around this topic.

Apart from addressing the unfaithful partner, the book also covers about the feelings of the betrayed partner. This intends to help the unfaithful partner understand what the betrayal meant to their partner and how it crushed him/her.

Since this book is an updated 2nd edition, it covers real time issues such as online affairs in cyber space. It also includes real client examples to help readers draw from their experiences. So, if you and your partner are planning to rebuild your relationship, this book is an insightful manual from an expert.

After the Affair has been written using clarity, detail, unbiased approach and easy to understand language for the readers’ comfort and enjoyment. It is also a great read for psychology enthusiasts as it provides helpful insights for those in the field. Plus it shares some relationship concepts that are also highlighted in an article by the by the Indian Journal of Psychiatry

Lastly, this book also accommodates partners who want to end things after the affair. It does this by guiding these individuals on how to cope with ending.

2. Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting Guide to Rebuilding your Marriage After an Affair

Reading a marriage book by an author who is a relationship expert is awesome, but reading a book written by an author whose expertise was triggered by personal experience is more worthwhile. And that is Michele Weiner Davis for you!

Having to live through her parents’ divorce at the age of 16 inspired her to specialize in helping couples learn skills that will help them keep love burning throughout their marriage. Needless to say, she did exactly that with her own marriage.

So coming from this author, Healing from Infidelity is a pro-marriage book that tells partners that love and trust can be restored after an affair. By following her step by step plan, couples can learn to rebuild their marriage anew.

This book is widely recommended due to the topics it addresses, including; how an unfaithful partner can offer sincere apologies, express empathy, find forgiveness and how to overcome painful memories as the betrayed partner.

Michele pours out her decades of experience into the roadmap that she draws for those who still want to make their marriage work. It is packed with no-nonsense advice that can help save your marriage.

As an optimist, the author has worked with ‘911 couples’ an organization that takes a scientific approach such the ones highlighted in this article in the journal American Psychological Association. 911-couples has hard a notable success especially at helping couples on the brink of a divorce, which is the same overview that this book carries. So if you are the unfaithful partner, take heart because according to this writer, there is still hope for you and your loved one if you are ready to learn the right skills.

3. Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

Not “Just Friends” is the work of Dr. Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli. It was written in 2003 and draws from two decades of original research on clinical cases. This book is a step by step manual to guide couples through the whole process of marital infidelity. It addresses the stages of infidelity from the onset of suspicion, the revelation up until the healing process.

Unlike other marriage books on infidelity, this book focuses on infidelity that arises between friends, colleagues and other close acquaintances. Uniquely, it helps guide the erring partner from realizing red flags before the actual cheating takes place. One article in the Journal of Marriage and Family shares into details the scientific view of relationship red flags. And if it does happen, Glass and Staeheli tell you and your partner that all is not lost, because there is actually a way out.

According to these authors, it is understandable for spouses to feel paranoid about the phrase “we’re just friends” because close friendships may easily slip into becoming love affairs that destroy marriages.

Apart from sexual betrayal, this book also articulates on emotional betrayal. And with the help of eye-opening quizzes provided in the book, spouses can be able to realize if they are engaging in dangerous intimacy with friends.

Glass does not beat around the bush or sugar coat facts but instead gives you the bitter truth that you as an unfaithful partner could see what your infidelity will cost. However, she also uses a caring tone for you to feel that you too deserve forgiveness and a second chance if you are ready to rebuild your marriage.

4. Surviving an Affair

Infidelity is the worst experience that a marriage can face. However, Dr. Willard F. Harley and his co-author Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers share through this resourceful book that you can still overcome it and rebuild love and trust in your marriage. Both of these authors have a background in Clinical Psychology and Marriage Counseling which guide them through their work.

Some studies like one research article in the journal MBC Public Health highlights that marriage counselling is effective and has hard a notable success rate.   

Having collaborated for twenty years, the authors of this book placed their focus on restoring marriage after an affair. This they discuss by explaining why an affair begins and ends, how to end the affair, how to restore your marriage and how to rebuild trust from your partner once again.

In addressing how affairs should be ended, these two help unfaithful partners to finally call it quits on their extramarital affairs. It helps them realize the bigger picture which is losing not only their spouse but also a life of happiness and contentment.

As for the betrayed partner, the book addresses their hurt feelings and how they should cope through this crisis. It also helps the unfaithful partner understand the resentment they receive from their partners, how to overcome it and gain their trust once again.

So by helping both partners survive the devastating effects of the affair, this book may help restore your marriage. Although things will not happen instantly, gradually, you and your loved will reach there after working on your love and trust issues. That is to say, if you are looking for best books in marriage after infidelity to save your marriage, how about checking this out?

5. Anatomy of an Affair

Affairs are rampant, but do you really know what they entail? Most of us don’t know, so how are we going to safeguard our marriages from it? And if you are already suffering from its repercussions, then how would you recover from it?

Leave all these questions to Dave Carder, because he tells you all about it in his book. Through his 30 year experience as a pastor and counselor, Dave has worked with many couples to battle this crisis.

In this book you will learn about stress factors and behaviors that expose you to adultery. Once you have internalized these factors, you will also learn about healthy and positive ways of how to safeguard your marriage from extramarital affairs.

This book maintains that close friendships which start innocently may morph into affairs that cost your marriage. In fact, Carder warns that no one should believe that affairs cannot catch up with their marriage because even the best of marriages could be affected.

If interested, eye opening statistics, clinical insights and up-to-date data are what you will find in this resourceful manual. Thanks to the information given, you will learn what adulterers had to learn the hard way and hopefully, stay away from infidelity.

Since Carder has Christian values, his book is packed with them in topics such as how attraction leads to affairs, common ingredients of adultery, making protective decisions and how to restore intimacy into your marriage. There are also exercises for couples to try out together, which one research study in a review article in the Journal of Marriage and Family seems to confirm may support a healthy relationship.

6. Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity

Unfaithful is a book written by Gary and Mona Shriver, a married couple that lived through the pain of adultery and restored their marriage after healing. These two lovely couple share their experiences both the bad and the ugly side of things without shame.

It is through their raw openness that these two have been able to deliver a hopeful book for those who want a second chance at their marriage after the ultimate betrayal. Coming from a place of understanding, Gary and Mona give an honest perspective about infidelity and its devastating effects. Their logic in tackling infidelity is great and seems to coincide with the results of one research paper that currently appears in the journal Computers in Human Behavior.  

Their healing story could be an inspiration for you and your loved one to learn from and gather the courage to move on once again. This book offers Christian perspectives, advice and examples that are relatable to all those struggling with this same crisis.

These two Cofounders of Hope and Healing Ministry in their book direct that openness to your betrayed partner is the first step to rebuilding trust that has been shaken by your infidelity. Similarly, the book provided how this couple used this same strategy to reach where they are today.

Moreover, this book covers real stories of couples who have gone through betrayal and forgiveness in order to give the readers hope and faith needed to repair their own marriages. Couples can also get practical strategies to guide them through the different processes of recovery that the book articulates. Are you ready to rebuild your marriage anew? This is the book for you!

7. How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair

If you have been an unfaithful partner, chances are you have no idea on either how to apologize sincerely to your spouse or how to help them heal. However, there’s a book that can help you out. Authored by Infidelity Expert Linda J. Macdonald, How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair, is a practical guide for unfaithful partners to learn the right behaviors and attitudes to help them mend their marriages.

This short and easy to understand book caters for critical issues that an unfaithful partner should do in order to keep his/her marriage intact. Although damage has already occurred once infidelity is discovered, Linda gives hope that the damages can be done if the right approach is to be followed. 

Through this book you will learn about;

  • How to undo damages
  • Successes and failures in rebuilding your marriage
  • Potholes that doom marriage after an affair
  • Important guidelines following the first moments after being discovered
  • How to cope with your partner’s triggers and obsessions and many more

The pain of betrayed partners is also addressed in this book. The author assures them that it is normal to feel a rush of emotions after this painful revelation. In fact, betrayed partners according to her recommendations should set the pace of the healing process because it is their healing that will help propel the marriage forward. And through the specific guidance the unfaithful partners learn from this book, couples can both do their part and heal from this pain and agony. It also takes an angle that may help in emotional recovery, which is science, according to a report in the Journal PLOS ONE doesn’t negate but approves.

8. Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal and Move on– Together or Apart

This book has been authored by a team of three couple therapists who have worked in the field for years. It brings out the adage that two heads are better than one because you get the perspective of each therapist.

The focus of the book is the betrayed partner. It helps him/her all about the intricacies of the affair from how it happened to potential reasons why it did happen. And in doing so you as the betrayed partner can gauge if you want to forgive and rebuild your marriage or to leave and start all over again.

If you decide to stay, this book provided you with all the tips you need to incorporate in your marriage to make it work. You will also learn important skills to help you let go of the hurt and find the heart to forgive your unfaithful partner.

In the event that you want to move on separately, this book provides you to recover from betrayal, live beyond the hurt and have healthy relationships in future. These authors thus give you the right to choose either path and feel right with your choice. 

Lastly, Getting Past the Affair helps both partners understand how they contributed to the affair. This is an important aspect on whether moving on together or apart as it will help the individuals not to fall into the same trap twice. So, if you are the betrayed partner looking for daunting answers from best books in marriage after infidelity, this is the one for you.

9. Infidelity: A Survival Guide

This book is the work of Psychologist Don-David Lusterman. He has counseled many clients regarding the issue of infidelity and has a couple more advice in his book for readers. If you are feeling devastated, torn apart, destroyed and demoralized by your partner’s actions, this book could be the help you are looking for.

Lusterman provides for your hurt feelings and believes you can survive through it. Once you feel ready to heal, it is time for you to develop the right language to communicate positively with your partner. Through this process, you will be able to better express your emotions as well as expectations.

With the help of this survival guide, you will learn that it takes two to destroy and rebuild a marriage. According to the author only you two can decide to heal and move on to the next chapter of your life. It takes to tango, so to speak.

Another positive aspect of this book is that it addresses the perspective of family members and friends as well. These people play a great role in helping you two cope with the betrayal and move on together if possible. It also guides parents on how to broach the topic to their children and how they are likely to respond to the news. 

Therefore, if you need a book to help you cope with the hurt and confusion of infidelity, understand your unfaithful partner’s actions and learn how to move on together and rebuild your wounded marriage, this book is highly recommended.

That marks the end of our list and out of these best books in marriage after infidelity, my favorite is How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair. The reason is I feel that the cheating partner should really understand how much they hurt their betrayed partner and learn how to come to terms with the resentment that comes with it. I am positive that if the unfaithful partner really works on these tips, they may eventually earn forgiveness from their spouse.

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