“My husband neglects me emotionally and I really don’t know what to do, I thought I’m strong enough to cope up with this but it’s like it is wearing me down, is there anything I can do to make him be considerate of my feelings?” asked a family friend of ours.
The answer to this type of question is yes; there is something the wife can do.
Having counseled couples both new and old I believe you as the wife can do something about this. Since your husband is still within the confines of your marriage this means you have many opportunities to resolve things.
What Makes a Husband Choose to Neglect his Wife’s Emotions
Wondering about the reasons why a husband ignores his wife, this doesn’t happen by accident, there is a solid reason as to why your husband seems to care less about your emotions.
And narrowing to the exact reason places you tin a better position to address the friction. While we are going to discuss this from a broader perspective, from the below reasons try to narrow down your memory what exactly might have caused this.
Asking why does my husband neglects me emotionally? Think: could it be that there is something you did in the past that hurt him so much, that he finds so hard to go over. And since he is finding it hard to swallow the pain, he thinks a less harmful way to revenge is not to care anymore about what you feel, so he ignores you.
Or simply put, maybe your husband came to know about your past life, the people you pushed with before you met him (men get hurt after knowing their wife slept with various boyfriends before marriage – forgetting that he also had affairs with other girlfriends before you came into the picture).
Another serious reason why a husband may develop cold feelings towards the wife is when he realizes she did an abortion or used drugs. Your husband may also come to know that you had a “plan-B” boyfriend during courtship.
If you had told him about your past life however shameful it may have been, most often the man would have thought you are trustworthy. Transparency generally builds a relationship as opposed to secrets that later become exposed.
However, all is not lost, you can always pick from where you left. It doesn’t mean that you tell your husband everything in your past life, tell him only those things that matter, things that you are afraid might someday come to light.
You are Emotionally ‘too’ Needy
At the personal level, you might be complaining about why my husband neglects me emotionally while it’s you who is too needy that you think everybody is just being inconsiderate of your emotions. Good symptoms that tell you are emotionally too needy is if you are given to wanting to please everybody around you, especially strangers.
You may think you are emotionally intelligent but once a visitor comes around it’s like you feel you need to be too nice to win their friendship. You also find that when watching sad movies you tent to connect more with victims in the story, (you may cry in the midst of the story); that’s a sign you are emotionally needy, and as such, this may manifest through feeling your husband is neglecting you when he doesn’t act the way you expect.
Other Symptoms You are Emotionally Needy
- You easily feel other peoples’ pain
- You talk too much to try and convince people that you are important
- When looked down upon, you immediately become stressed
- You are always concerned with what people say about you
- When criticized you take it as an attack rather than an indicative to correct your behavior…
So before asking why my husband neglects me emotionally, it’s good that you first look into your emotional health (often manifested in your characters). Are you so needy that you appear demanding and bothersome? Being demanding is one thing that makes men ignore their wives, just a head up.
I think most often it’s about your past…
The husband has started to show signs of ignoring you, most likely your past lifestyle has been revealed to him by your haters (from his family side or from just those enemy friends). If that’s the case, don’t get depressed asking why does my husband neglect me emotionally… he is human and will soon get over it.
Most times husbands get trapped into thinking wives are supposed to be angels. It’s good that your partner understands that both of you are human beings and are given to mistakes. That sounds like telling him can break the relationship but it would be liberating to him when he finally knows no woman is perfect. We all did wired things at some point, none is holy as they may appear to be.
The good thing about marriage is that you are dealing with a human being and they also have a memory of things they did that were shameful, with respect and tenderness you can point out their past to them as well to prick the pride. Get down to him and request to know what it is that you did, in the past, or are doing now that makes him neglect you emotionally.
In case he tells you, it’s good that you first begin by apologizing. If it’s about an exposed past life, simply have him understand, that that is a gone case and that you changed a long time ago. You can also mention the fact that everybody has a dark history to shy away from and that you have regretted your actions ever since.
Emotional neglect examples may include: the hubby doesn’t show concern when you are sick; he no longer asks how your day has been after coming from work, not picking your calls and not explaining why. He no longer cares even when you cry; the husband stops talking to you; he desists from body contact and so on… some wives also complain “my husband neglects me in bed,” a sign that he is depressed. These are just a few signs of emotional neglect in a relationship
It’s growing worse my husband ignores me when I cry as well, how do I make him feel me?
While that should be your goal, a better approach to solving the question why my husband neglects me emotionally is to first help him change his attitude towards you. Let’s be clear, no husband in their sober mind would want to avoid the warmth between their wives legs. Women are sweet and men can’t help that.
In fact, a research that projected 1623 men, suggests that over 1579 of them believe that women are natural flowers that everybody would wish to keep their eyes on. The remaining 44 men did not deny this notion even though they did not verbally admit the same.
Top on that, scientific research has proven that after every 120 seconds (2 minutes to be precise) the brain of a straight and sober man thinks about things that relate to a woman. Be it admiring their body, wishing to have a nightstand, remembering good and bad times with their wives and other things close to that, like between the sheets gymnastics.
Use The Power of a Woman
It’s not true to say or think your husband doesn’t think about you. He does, and in fact, he can’t shut you off in his memory as much as you are around. That gives you the idea that you have the capacity to change things, use your convincing powers.
About what to do to make your hubby feel you emotionally, below are a few tips to employ, these should switch him to change from that attitude:
- Talk to him nicely
- Stop shouting at him when in arguments
- Be submissive and let him feel his position as the man of the house
- Serve him past the normal things he is used to, like help him tie his belt or shoelaces
- Give him attention could be the reason for neglecting you emotionally is that he want attention
- Give him those girlish looks
- Tell him you’ve missed a great bedtime together
- Be generally friendly
However, if the reason your husband is neglecting your emotions is that somebody disclosed your past mistakes to him, try to clear the airwaves by explaining and apologizing for not letting him know from the words go.
If you are also fond of speaking to your husband with a loud or commanding tone, stop it. Findings show that 92 in every 100 men would rather come home late if their wife is the kind that screams at everything.
In fact, 96 percent of men take as an attack on their peace when the wife shouts at the kids every time. Just to help change his attitude, it’s good that you let your husband know that henceforth you’ll not be loud unless you’ve forgotten. Marriage is all about solving misunderstandings every time they show up.
My husband neglects me emotionally. What’s your take on this? Let’s hear your comments below. Also feel free to share this article to help someone who could be facing this same problem.