My husband is so lazy I want a divorce, “period!” Have things gotten that worse, that you find it had to continue in the marriage?
It is unfortunate that someone who is supposed to work hard for his family can be so stupidly lazy. However, you are not the first to be in such a dilemma.
Here is a bit of statistics – a study by the U.K.’s Office for National Statistics reveals that women do over 60% of the housework. Meaning, literary 10,000,000 plus wives could be facing this same problem at the same time.
Well, there is no denying that your case could be intolerable, that it has reached a point where you are considering a divorce.
However, before deciding anything serious like separation or divorce, try sharing the matter with a professional marriage counselor, or at least have a phone call or video call session with them.
You can invite your husband into the video chat session and have your counselor make him understand how this lazy attitude is weighing you down. Check this link to see your options for this kind of online marriage assistance.
Relationship counselors are used to dealing with marital issues, including those that seem ridiculers to share. I have this great marriage and relationship counselor who says they have helped countless women who came to them complaining about similar cases, saying things like:
- ‘My husband is lazy and selfish
- I can’t stand the fact that my husband is ever unmotivated
- Why is my husband so selfish and inconsiderate
- My husband is so lazy I want a divorce
- I hate my ever idle husband I’m being fair’
Other wives even think there is a remedy for what they call lazy husband syndrome. In fact, from my research, I have come to the conclusion that in 2 out of 10 marriage counseling sessions, women complain that their hubby is lazy and inconsiderate and so they want a divorce.
The man just doesn’t want to do anything. Now, let us face the facts, he is super lazy and that’s undeniable, but has it reached the point where you can divorce him without having to regret about that decision later? Read on and let us get the bigger picture to help you settle this issue.
Signs of a Lazy husband
A lazy hubby can be very tricky to confront or handle. It’s like he developed allergies for everything. He says onions make me cry, so please spare me from cooking, everything that spills on the floor even when it’s not a chemical is kind of allergic to him.
Ask him to wash the dishes and he will say water makes him susceptible to cold and funny enough sometimes it’s true — so we end up excusing him from such chores.
But what about doing the floor with a vacuum, operating the laundry machine or other once per week tasks like let’s say wiping the walls cleaning pets house or organizing the car garage which can be done once in a month?
Again, what about other things like just taking the dustbin to the outer gate for collection by the dirt collectors, mine said he feels the stench irritating that he can vomit if he dares touch the bin.
So a question strikes you after he has vomited will he wipe the floor, will he still be allergic to the vomit. So you remain with the thought my husband is so lazy I want a divorce but before that, I’d better do everything…
Well, let’s rant a bit more…
Have you noticed that when it comes to bed matters specifically those between the sheets your man is super active and hard working? Funny right, no man can be lazy when it comes to eating that sweet pie, the appetite is stunning and the diligence they do it with is exceptional.
Another observation: have you noticed that your husband is never lazy when it comes to doing what he loves. Talking of his hobby– whether it is doing pushups at the gym, watching football and so on… he follows such to the core.
Talk of knowing upcoming movies, celebrities,… he better sleep at three researching and cramming their names – which makes you wonder– a lazy dude can’t do all that work???
But then it clicks:
…My Husband is So Lazy I Want a Divorce
As a sweet and loving wife, you’ve persevered and you think it’s time to quite the marriage; so divorce seems to promise a better future because at least you’ll end up with a share of properties and possibly a better hardworking-man in future. But let’s face the facts; research says over 9 out of 10 couples have at least 5 reasons why the person they are married to is not perfect.
What this means is, almost all couples have wished they were married to a different person, in fact, at different points in their life. In other words, it’s normal to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
We humans can’t be fully satisfied and the best solution for dealing with marriage problems is not divorce. Okay, sometimes it depends on what the exact and extent of the problem is…
The Extend of the Problem
There are those incidences that divorce may be a way out of the problem (but did you notice I didn’t say it’s a solution? Sure, a solution is different from running away from the actual issue (but hold on, we will talk about that below).
However, for serious matters like violence: your husband is fond of beating you to the point they threaten you, off cause that is not a safe place to stay… it’s good that you report such to respected people in your circle to have him warned of wife battery. That’s a by the way.
Back to our topic, you are thinking, “my husband is so lazy I want a divorce…”
Before going that route, again it is good that you ask yourself several questions; like does he provide for the family in some way, is he adding that fatherly value to the kids or to the family? Sometimes as wives we get overwhelmed by house chores which he is not willing to assist, to the point that we fail to see other important things that the husband does.
He could be damn lazy with household chores but be active in paying off the bills and ensuring electrical systems, the music system and the entertainment system at home is working perfectly. You are also not asking why is my husband so lazy in bed, right?
If that’s the case, a divorce is not worth. Anything divorce should be propagated by something extra serious, something that cannot be tolerated completely. Like for instance when your husband just can’t stop hooking up different love partners such that you fear he’ll bring you a sexually transmitted disease. That way a divorce can be a way out of danger —because you’ll be trying to play safe with your life.
But if he is willing to help pay bills, I think that’s a man that can be helped to correct his lazy approach in relation to those things he has not been doing. But if he just can’t change, you can always find a way to cope up with him.
In other words, it’s ideally not wise to ditch your husband because he is lazy when it comes to household tasks only, think of things like he is faithful, and he is willing to be that good father to your kids and more…
Before Divorcing Him: Ask Why is My Husband So Lazy…
It’s possible that as the wife you might have contributed big time to the lazy character in your man.
Asking how? Well, you taught him you can do everything from the word go. Flashback this: when you two were dating, who served the other without needing the other to assist in any way.
This is the reason dating mates are always advised to not focus so much on keeping their best foot forward.
During courtship, there is this tendency where the woman would always want to appear non-demanding, calm, hardworking and the good-door mat that can take in any dirt without complaining or feel offended.
Well, you wanted to win him over but you can now see the consequences of not being honest. You were after pleasing your man so he can marry you, and know what, you got it, now instead of just trashing that achievement of winning a man’s heart into marriage it’s good that you be wise to see if you can try to sort out the husband is lazy equation without divorcing him.
Other Reasons Why Your Hubby is So Lazy…
There are many other reasons why your man prefers idling and being inactive and one of the major ones is the way he was raised. Could be, the mother to your husband is the person to blame — (off cause you can’t disclose this to mother-in-law unless you want trouble with her).
But to be honest and say it like it is, most times the mother who was responsible during the upbringing of the boy ( put your husband there) slept on their job and didn’t train him to work hard, which resulted to this can’t do anything attitude.
Do a little research, ask the sisters how they grew together and who did what, this could reveal how exactly your now lazy husband was groomed and what transpired. Most times you’ll hear that mama didn’t want the boy to do anything, from washing the dishes to dusting even his own shoes.
There is often that believe where a mother thinks the boy won’t be a man enough if they focus more on household chores. Well according to my experience, there is some solid truth in that, but there needs to be a balance.
Parents should know that their boys need to be taught how to wipe the floor; how to feed the pets and so on, and still be the man they are supposed to be.
Another reason why the boy who is now your husband grew to be a lazy crap is that there were sisters or female savants at home did everything. They literary didn’t have anything to hold on as their responsibility other than eating, playing video games, and jumping out at night to watch the meteor showers when they are falling.
The next thing after the boy grew up is that they expected to marry the female partner and everything will always be taken care of like they did at home. What follows is you hear the wife scream, “My husband is so lazy I want a divorce!”
Still, on the reason why your hubby grew lazy, there is also the fact that many a time the father to the boy was lazy at housework so they transferred the same attitude to the son.
Can the Wife Really Make the Husband this Lazy?
I’m glad you asked that, and the answer is, yes. As the wife, how do you generally handle him, does he feel sometimes like you don’t respect him; a little flashback, when he decided to help you out with some kitchen chores, did you let him, or you shouted at him when he did that thing contrary to the direction you expected?
In other words, have you taken time to analyze how you handled him at some point when maybe he tried to be the helping husband you are wishing he should be when you were still fresh in the relationship? That’s are very important brainstorming session you need to embark on –try to seek for solutions, don’t just wallow in the thoughts my husband is so lazy I want a divorce.
Try to remember how it all started, I am very sure at some point the so-called now “husband is lazy” was somewhat willing to offer a helping hand. However, you may say he was lazy from the beginning… If that’s the case, no problem, still there is something you can do — try getting closer to him.
But first, let’s see other possible things on your part that could be promoting his lazy character. It is clear that you need him to participate in household tasks, but have you asked for that help. Have you been sending signals that you need some assistance? Also, are you the kind of wife that thinks the man can’t cook well enough if they are not a chief chef, that you must supervise him always?
Okay, let’s put it this way, maybe you are a perfectionist and want everything to be done under a procedure that seems best from your point of view. To be precise, you can “physiologically maim” your husband with your demands. Mark you, men don’t like being commanded all the time or being told to do this and that as if they can’t think for themselves.
So Can I change My lazy Husband to Someone Active?
Sure you can. You are a woman and the truth is that if you managed to make him fall for you, there is no switch you can’t press on your man. The good news book says in Ephesians 5: 23 that the husband is the head and wife the neck.
Yes, the wife is the neck; she can turn the head to the right or to the left. Quick note: the head is always meant to turn as long as there is the need to. What this means, in short, is that you have the powers but these are nothing supernatural as it may sound.
The solution here is, simply take anything that you did to make you husband lazy and maimed and reverse engineer it. We are talking about: start sending a signal that you need some help, but do it respectively. There is nothing that drives the point home like first making you hubby believe that you respect him.
Now, if you realize that he is willing to help out doing small things like wiping the television: show appreciation. Let him know that you are loving it when he wakes up to assist.
To encourage him further you can reward him occasionally with some massage and a good service when you both go to bed– between the sheets. Also remember that he will not immediately drop his lazy attitude, at times you’ll see signs suggesting he is not willing to assist but take heart: change is a process and you need to follow through with him.
What if He doesn’t Change?
Well, let’s be realistic and not force beyond what is not possible. What this means is that your husband might be the type who’s lazy character is deeply ingrained in their habit. In such a case, I would recommend that you simply try to understand where exactly he falls into.
So instead of filling for divorce over something that even the guy can’t control I find it wiser for the wife to be considerate. As in, as long as the man is willing to contribute more in paying the bills what makes you think that you can’t cope with him.
However, this does not mean that he just gets away with everything. Declare your interest to be assisted by having him handle out of the house tasks like picking the kids from school as he drives from work. Make it his responsibility and that if he fails the kids will simply have to spend the night at school.
Should I tell mother-in-law that my husband is lazy and unmotivated?
This depends, but personally, I wouldn’t recommend you to take this route. Reason being most men feel ashamed when their marital issues cross the border of their walls. However, if the mother to your husband is someone understanding and willing to help you guys stay together then go ahead and explain it to her. Hopefully, the boy will consider the advice of her mother.
Should You Seek Counseling Advice?
Well, if you are overwhelmed and think I can’t handle it anymore: my husband is so lazy I want a divorce, of cause you might benefit from the advice of a qualified marriage counselor who would try to balance between the marriage and your emotional satisfaction. One thing that you’ll notice once you decide to take this route is that your marriage counselor would want you and your partner to focus on making your communication more healthy.
As in, communication in marriage is everything. Yes, you have the right to say my husband is so lazy I want a divorce period: but that is not solving the actual problem. The exact problem here is how do we make the man work, wash the dishes, vacuum the floor and do the laundry, and once that is met, your fury would be settled…
Think of Where You Two have Come from Before Considering a Divorce
Okay, at the surface, divorce may appear as the only options that relieve the emotional stress you are feeling, and yes, it may be for sometimes. However, after a month or so trust me you may regret painfully after the divorce. Well, am I trying to scare you? Nope. Just trying to pass the truth pill which all of us always don’t want to swallow when we are pressed with marital issues.
As in, you know what, you might realize that the phrase– “my husband is so lazy” didn’t carry enough weight to warrant for a divorce. In fact, this is the time your mind begins to wonder and to bring back all the good virtues in the man you already parted ways with.
So my advice is, be smart and weigh if really the situation is worth a divorce. As in, back to the basics. If your husband participates in some way, like paying bills whenever he gets some cash, or maybe he brags in an inheritance he was left by his parents and the property is generating some cash to help you guys pay off bills; him not doing household duties for sure is not enough reason for divorce.
The unfortunate thing with today’s generation I and you included is that people don’t want to be patient with each other. Science has proven goods relationships can only be built on perseverance and patience.
So let’s face it, your husband is lazy, what a damn stupid behavior are you forced to handle, that’s hard; nonetheless, can you find a way to absorb his stupidity? As in, other than just keeping the mindset my husband is so lazy I want a divorce, ask yourself whether ending the marriage is really worth it.
Be smart enough to acknowledge that we don’t always get everything we do in life. In fact, take this to the bank and don’t tell anybody else unless they are truly your friend: no couples on earth are fully contented – each partner has a list of things they completely don’t to wish to cope up with, but there no otherwise, they have to.
A good number of women just have to keep up with the fact that their husband is lazy, domineering and selfish. And funny enough is that they live to their old happy age with the person.
How? They decided to follow the “for good and for worse vows” which today’s generation doesn’t want to adopt. In short, life is not only about “I want someone who will make me happy,”… seriously? A dam cruel yes! with no apologies… I’m being brutally honest… as this would help you avoid unnecessary regrets in the future.
Think of this. Are You Sure the New Husband would not be a Lazy Jack as Well, or maybe weaker in some other aspects…?
Maybe for now the only thing that is bothering you so much is the fact that the person you are married to doesn’t want to assist with wiping the floor, disposing the dog poop in the compound or removing the babies diapers. But, don’t you think your next hubby might come with his set of weaknesses?
Could be the person you already have in mind seems hand working in most aspect but it is also good to accept that they have their fair share of stupidity ingrained in them.
Caution: the dream husband you have in mind that seems more perfect than the real lazy husband you have to deal with might come with his flaws that you would have to deal with as well.
In fact, the new partner might be the kind that hates any other man’s kids, he might be a hardworking drunkard, might have anger problems, and worse of all, he might be a he-goat that can’t stand any other girl in your absence, he just must taste the apples. So which is worse, living with someone with a lazy anti-dish waster, or living with an unfaithful, drunkard or anger-strangling husband?
Be Realistic and Mind your Kids
Chances are that you already have kids with this so-called “husband is lazy crap.” But don’t forget he is still the biological father of your kids. While every woman says they want a man who would make them me super happy, the question is, does such man even exist in today’s world, where everybody is following their own interest?
“The truth is, there are good days in marriage and there are days when you just see fault in your partner.”
So be practical, mind about the feature of your kids. Think about the emotional growth of your kids, the type of foster dad they would end up with. No man on earth would fit best like their biological father. Unless the father is abusive, let them grow with their father even if he is lazy.
While it may depend on the extent and type of the problem, the idea that “my husband is so lazy I want a divorce” needs to be something you dig deep into before talking that route. The problem might not be really that serious, only that you’ve been thinking about it too. As in what makes your thought patterns, is it questions like:
- Why is my husband so selfish and inconsiderate
- I hate my lazy husband
- How do I handle the lazy husband syndrome
- My husband is so lazy I want a divorce
- My husband is lazy and unmotivated
- Examples of a selfish husband and on…
If so, you need to reprogram your thinking. Drop the notion, my husband is lazy because you’ll end up not seeing any good from him.
Instead, see if there is anything the man is doing to add value to the relationship and if there are ways you can help him improve, or you can cope up with him the way he is, then choose that route.
You may also want to bring in a marriage counselor to help you sort out this in a more professional manner before taking the option of divorce. At least in the presence of your marriage counselor, you can point out what you take his lazy behavior to mean and the extent it is costing your emotional comfort.
Well, that’s what I advised a friend of ours some 5 years ago and know what it’s encouraging that they are still together and doing well in their marriage up to this day. Even though my husband is so lazy I want a divorce? What your take on this matter; let’s hear your thoughts in the comment section below.