Rejection is one of the most devastating situation that one can go through in life, it is painful, derailing, horrible and in fact hinders everything that pertains self development. However its has been proved that the attitude of people-pleasing ranks among the top causes of rejection.
How true is this?
Simple…Rejection is a great enemy of the emotions and self-value. It’s not really about the physical act. It’s about what you expected to be done to you, and when the opposite comes, that when you feel rejected. You do whatever possible hopping to please someone so that they accept and appreciate you, but you get the opposite.
In simple terms; there is that hidden urge to please people, and it also has its own expectations. Seeking peoples approval on who you are and what you should be only breeds rejection at the end. People pleasing is like a language that only you understands, but hopping everybody should also understand and give you the benefits of approval or acceptance.
The painful truth about the origin of this people-pleasing-urge…
It all began when you were a small child, when they told you that if you don’t behave in a certain way daddy will be mad, or mommy will not be happy. Sad, isn’t it? -There are better ways to help kids growth socially-healthy other than conditioning them to be people-pleasers.
A rational way to help kids mature socially is advising them based on facts. For instance tell them, “behave well and you’ll not get into trouble”. See, the subject truth is, bad behavior will lead to painful consequences but not to a mad daddy, or unhappy mommy. This makes a child not to feel rejected by either mom, or dad. Since the subject matter is no-longer mommy or daddy but a consequence after bad behavior.
Don’t personalize how people should feel while around you…
The urge to make people happy while around you will always pop-up but don’t own it. Simply embrace the fact that you don’t need to please everybody to feel secure. The plain truth is, people will always take you lightly or even show signs of rejection when they realize your efforts of being fake just to please them.
Be yourself! And learn to be that while around everybody. See, respect is earned, and it’s you to earn it by teaching people your originalism and not how fake you can be just to be liked.
There is nobody behind pushing you to be a pleaser of people. The decision lies right with you. Be mature, polite and mean what you want in life. Stop sending people-pleaser signals, just learn to be your self, learn to say no and to say yes when need be. The idea is, enjoy being yourself-period. Respect, likes and other things will follow although they are not really necessary.