A question kept lingering in my mind about what really causes strives, madness and stress in marriages. This is after coming across loads and loads of problems from fellows who experience hardships in their marital life. I couldn’t figure out how a couples at 50 and above years would fall into the traps of conflicts and strife. For some years it seemed impossible to me, but I’ve realized where problems hibernate.
Let’s uncover and turn every stones and you’ll see what causes stress in marriages.
Magnification of small issues
Back to school… In biology class there is an important tool called a magnifying glass. It’s used to multiply the appearance size of things so that they appear lager than the actual size. For instance an object can be magnified x1.5, x2, x10, x50 and so on depending on the power of the glass. A Mosquito under magnifying glass can appear bigger than an elephant. And this is what happens to the marriage issues that bring stress. Couples should learn to minimalize issues that arise rather than making then appear larger.
This is how… You don’t need to shout to your partner to make him or her understand their mistakes. Just relax and sort things out when emotions have subside. Also, if you don’t like anything in you partner don’t pay lots of attention to it, but instead take it as just a weakness. Understand that no mistake is unforgivable. Yes, the hurt could be painful but it will only cause stress in your marriage as much as you allow it, otherwise you can decide to cut it off.
This is another queer thing, unrealistic expectations. Wanting to have everything perfect. This attitude can have a very stenchy impact in a relationship. It suggests to couples that things must workout exactly as thy want and plan. And when they don’t, stress is automatically born in the marriage and it could even lead to divorce.
Realistically, nothing must workout exactly as our way of thinking. It is important to allow things happen how they should and must. For instance if your partner has fertility issues, don’t stress and pressure them because they can’t give you the child you want. Just be realistic, and consider options like praying to God, seeing a doctor for further check-ups, or even adoption. In fact by just adopting a child you can restore happiness in you marriage life.
What will happen, how will he or she look after ten years, will I still be lovable in 20 years? Will we manage to pay our bills, will we get children, worry, worry and worry. All these worries are brought by fear of the future. But to be realistic, nothing uncommon will happen, and if any, what must happen must happen. Pilling up stress will not change anything, just concentrate with the reality that marriage gives you and seek happiness in it.
By looking into the past, you’ll realize that what worried you last week or even last month is no longer a bother today. Things happened how they did, and it’s important to pick lessons from past experiences so as to plan for the future. Instead of allowing stress to control your future or marriage, just plan and do whatever is within your ability to influence the result you opt to get in future.happy marriage !